Parenting
Secrets of the Zen Masters
By
John Hershey
Like nature, I abhor a vacuum. Especially when
it's time to clean the house.
But when you have children crawling around, it's very important
to keep the house free of harmful dirt, dust, and Barney videos.
I don't mind a little clutter--having a few hundred smiling anthropomorphic
train engines strewn about is the natural result of creative
play. But I also know that every particle of grime that I sweep
up is one that would otherwise probably end up in my kids' mouths.
I'm motivated, but after completing all the other essential daily
tasks, like making dinner, playing with the kids, putting them
to bed, reading the paper, playing the guitar, surfing the internet,
and watching Conan O'Brien, it seems like there's just no time
to clean. Not enough hours in the day, am I right?
And cleaning a house where children live is like the old saying
about painting the Golden Gate Bridge: as soon as you're done,
you feel like jumping over the rail. Wait, that's not it. It's
time to start all over again. You pick up the clutter, sweep,
dust, mop, and vacuum. Then you go to the kitchen for two seconds
to get a glass of water, and when you come back, it's like you
were never there. You're ankle-deep in Cheerios, applesauce is
dripping from the ceiling, and you start again. I just wanted
to tidy up a bit, and all of a sudden I'm starring in the Myth
of Sisyphus.
Remember Sisyphus? He's the guy in Greek mythology who had to
spend eternity pushing a big rock up a steep hill. Then, when
he finally got it to the top, he went to answer the phone and
one of his kids ran in and pushed it back down to the bottom.
Are our children punishing us like the gods punished Sisyphus?
Is a messy house, as Camus described pushing the rock, the "price
that must be paid for the passions of this earth"? We all
feel that way sometimes.
But don't let these frustrations drive you to negative behaviors
like getting angry at the kids or reading French existentialists.
Let's look at the bright side. You know how you try to make everything
into a learning experience for your children? Well, did you know
that your kids are graciously doing the same thing for you? It
may seem like they are wreaking random havoc, but actually your
children are teaching you important lessons in subjects like
science and philosophy every single day! Here's just a sample
of the curriculum:
Science
To the untrained eye, your children are simply running around
trashing your house. But in fact they are giving you a highly
educational demonstration of the important scientific concept
known as entropy. Entropy is nature's tendency toward chaos and
disorder. My older son Henry is such a pioneer in this field
that scientists have coined a special term--hentropy--to describe
the mysterious force that continually moves every object in my
house to a different, randomly selected location. To give just
one example, the other night, while I was sitting on the bed
playing with baby Daniel, Henry came running up the stairs and
into the room. He handed me the plastic latch that is supposed
to keep him from opening the kitchen cabinet where we keep the
toxic cleaning substances. He said "Here, Dad", turned,
and ran back out of the room. What a useful lesson in the futility
of trying to impose order on my environment! There I was getting
annoyed about the messy house, when I should be grateful to my
children for such valuable learning experiences.
Philosophy
The endlessly repetitive process of maintaining
a clean and safe environment for our children despite their determined
efforts to the contrary can bring about negative emotions like
frustration, anger, and carpal-tunnel.
|
But
recently I had an experience that put it all in perspective.
I watched two Zen Buddhist monks create a "mandala" sand
painting. Over several days, they meticulously placed grains
of sand on a table to form a beautiful geometric pattern.
When the painstaking work was finally done, everybody admired
it for a little while, and then the sand was swept up and
dumped into a nearby stream. |
As I watched, it occurred to me that being
a parent is like being a Zen monk. What, you may ask, does
living in a house with small
children have in common with the teachings of Buddhism? The realization
that life is suffering? Au contraire! The long periods of quiet
contemplation? Yeah, right. I am referring to the joy of creating
something beautiful-a representation of the divine in their case,
a nice tidy home in mine-that is destined to be destroyed almost
immediately.
The monks don't mind this, and neither should we. In fact, they
believe the mandala is beautiful because it is temporary. It
is so precious precisely because it must end, just like life
itself, or, even more poignantly, like the pure joy of walking
across a room without twisting your ankle on a power ranger.
So try to think of housework as a form of meditation. And check
this out: the monks believe everyone who participates in the
mandala process is purified and blessed. The very act of picking
up that lego piece for the millionth time can take you one step
closer to enlightenment!
Yeah, just keep telling yourself that. But if you ever visit
the Bay Area, you should probably stay off the Golden Gate Bridge.
____________________
John Hershey is a dad, a writer, and a lawyer (in that order).
To read more parenting humor, please visit his website: www.thehumors.com.
Copyright 2003 by John Hershey. All rights reserved.