Revolutionize
Your Resolutions
By Sandy Fleming
Have you made your New
Year's resolutions yet? Have you broken them
yet? Resolutions are like that: Easily made and quickly broken.
Many
people begin to wonder why they should bother. And kids often
follow
the examples of those around them. They make grandiose, life-changing
resolutions and then give up on them a few weeks later. In
the process, they learn a few things, too. They learn that
resolutions aren't all that important, that no one tries very
hard
to keep them, and possibly that it is acceptable to give up on
tough
projects. Are these the lessons that you wish to be teaching?
A pattern of expectations
is set up by making and breaking resolutions. It becomes an
annual exercise in mediocrity and
failure. Kids quickly learn that they should set their sights
low
and also that resolutions aren't really very important. Instead
of
the life-changing tools they are intended to be, resolutions
are
temporary and expendable. Kids who
continually make and break resolutions can even learn to see
themselves as failures, unable to change even one aspect of
their
own lives.
What makes resolutions
so difficult? There are several things. It's
common to make big, sweeping resolutions, like getting better
grades
or keeping a bedroom clean all the time. Resolutions such as "Get
in
shape," or "Quit smoking" fall into this category
for adults. They
are certainly areas that need improvement, and they sound wonderful.
The trouble is that these resolutions are too vague and broad.
It's
time to try something different this year.
Instead of resolutions,
try writing goals and helping your children to do the same.
Goals differ from resolutions in a number of
ways.
First,
goals need to be specific. "Get better grades" might
become "Raise
my math grade up to a B." Goals are also observable and
measurable.
Using action verbs when you write them down will help. It's much
easier to tell if you "Raise the math grade to a B" than
to tell if
you've "done better in school." A person looking on
will be able to
tell if the goal has been met, and there will be no doubt about
what
constitutes success. It's much easier to tell if a person has
attained a B in math than whether his or her grades are "better." Finally,
you should be able to tell what steps you need to take in
order to achieve the goal. In the example, some of the steps
to
raise that math grade might include bringing the book home at
least
three times each week or turning assignments in on time. It's
important to take a look and discover these stepping stones.
They
lead to success and achievement!
Finally, keeping records
helps, too. Make a chart or checklist and
write down what needs to be done to move closer to achieving
the
goal. This serves at least two purposes. First of all, it will
help
everyone to see progress. Secondly, keeping records will help
build
an attitude that allows a person to keep trying. Instead
of "breaking a resolution" and giving up, goal-setters
can shrug off
set-backs and try again. There's another chance tomorrow or next
week to be successful.
Give it a try! Turn this
year's resolutions into specific and measurable goals, then
make a list of the stepping stones that
will
help accomplish them. Help yourself and your children to feel
successful by keeping records, and remember that set-backs
don't
mean failure. Use this system to truly improve your life and
to help
your children improve theirs.
Sandy Fleming
is an educator, author and workshop facilitator. She resides
in southern Michigan with her husband and three daughters.
Sandy leads workshops for daycare providers and parents
in the region, tutors students, volunteers for Girl Scouts
and her church, and teaches online classes for adults and
children. She loves to make new friends, so please drop
her an e-mail at kids@busyparentsonline.com
