Natural family
planning:
A man's perspective
By Tricia Ballad
One of the things that sets Natural
Family Planning (NFP) apart from conventional birth control
methods is the inclusion of the man in a couple's family planning.
In keeping with that philosophy, I recently sat down with Rick*,
a close friend and NFP practitioner, to find out his thoughts
on fertility awareness.
TB: What is it like being
actively involved in the birth control process?
Rick: NFP is more work that popping
a pill every morning, but being an active participant
in family planning is worth it. Charting Meg’s
cycles demystifies the process of conceiving or avoiding
a pregnancy. By watching her chart, I get the same
information she does. I know without having to ask
whether she is likely to conceive or not. There are
no questions about whether she took her Pill that morning
or where the stash of condoms is.
I can also anticipate the days
that she will be completely uninterested in sex due to what
point she's at in her cycle.
TB: Do you feel more or
less secure about your birth control using NFP?
Rick: I definitely feel more secure
about family planning than I did when Meg was on the
Pill. Then, I felt that my involvement was unnecessary
and in some cases unwelcome. Back then, birth control
wasn't any of my business -- that was between Meg and
her Ob/Gyn. I just trusted that she was on the Pill
and left it at that.
With NFP, I see myself as an equal
partner in family planning. Now, I know there won't be any “planned
accidents.” I've known guys whose wives or girlfriends
wanted a baby, so they just stopped taking the Pill without
telling their partners. I know whether Meg is fertile at the
moment or not.
TB: Aren’t there
aspects of NFP you find difficult or inconvenient?
Rick: I think the sense of responsibility and obligation are the most
difficult things to adjust to. When Meg and I decided to start practicing NFP,
it was the first time that I really had to take responsibility for our fertility.
Remember, before that, avoiding pregnancy really wasn't my problem – I
could simply assume that she had taken the Pill that morning. With NFP, I keep
track of our more- and less-fertile phases along with Meg, and we share the
responsibility of deciding when to abstain in order to avoid pregnancy.
I also share the obligation of
getting up with her to take her temperature every morning at
the same time. It’s good preparation for having kids
-- they don't care if it's Saturday or how late you were up
the night before, either! They're up at the same time every
morning, regardless.
TB: What about the periodic
abstinence?
Rick: Meg suffered from depression when she was on the Pill, so she
wasn't interested in sex at all. The panic attacks she used to have caused
us to abstain pretty much 100% of the time. I see NFP as getting to have a
normal sex life again. It's kind of like being teenagers again. And since we
both understand that we won't have intercourse during her fertile time, we’re
more likely to slow down and enjoy other ways of sharing our affection.
TB: What advice would
you give other couples considering NFP?
Rick: Arm yourself with a lot of facts and make your decision based
on that. And be prepared to deal with some pretty wild reactions when people
find out your wife's not on the Pill.
* All names have been changed.
Tricia Ballad
is a web developer by profession and a writer and natural
family planning advocate by passion. Her goal is to “negotiate
the divide between mainstream suburbia and the strikingly
counter-cultural, seeking a balance between the two extremes.” Tricia
lives with her husband and their growing family in the Chicago
area.
